A while back, some friends and I went on a plant-based diet for a month. It was a very tough challenge as we all are meat lovers, but we did not realize it until the challenge. A few days ago, one of us posted on Facebook how she sneaked in meats because of unbearable cravings. We talked about this in the group, and we laughed it off. Although my friend derailed a few times, she could practice self-compassion and start where she left off again. So, are you struggling with anything today? Have you fallen off the wagon with your nutrition or exercise plan? Are you struggling with an addiction and have given up hope that you will ever make it? Instead of beating yourself up and becoming disheartened by your perceived failings, can you practice self-compassion?
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion means being kind and understanding to yourself when you fail at something or notice something you don’t like about yourself. Rather than beating yourself up or criticizing yourself for your shortcomings, self-compassion means you show yourself some mercy and grace.
What are the components of self-compassion?
1) Self-kindness – be kind to yourself and believe that you deserve the same kindness you would extend to a friend.
2) Common Humanity – understand that we humans are all flawed and that we all make mistakes.
3) Mindfulness – Objectively identify your weaknesses and failures without being too emotional about them.
Why should you practice self-compassion?
Practicing self-compassion is important because, sooner or later, we will fail at something. Besides, there will always be at least one thing we don’t like about ourselves and wish we could change. If we criticize ourselves and judge ourselves mercilessly for these personal failings, we will live a life of negativity, disappointment, and regret.
Living a life of regret is detrimental to our physical and overall health. It can lead to mental health disorders and physical ailments. For more reasons to avoid regrets, check out “What do you regret most in life?” Instead of living this way, we should act to reap all the benefits of self-compassion.
Benefits of self-compassion
1) Studies show that self-compassion improves your psychological well-being.
2) Increased feelings of happiness and optimism.
3) Decreased anxiety, depression, and stress.
4) Stronger connection to others, more fulfilling relationships, and improved social health.
5) Less fear of failure.
6) Improved body image
Why we don’t practice self-compassion enough
Our society makes us believe that being self-critical and hard on ourselves is good. We push ourselves too hard and become overly competitive because we feel we need these to succeed.
Moreover, we often view self-compassion as a form of weakness, equating it with self-indulgence or self-pity. In fact, we are too embarrassed to admit practicing self-compassion.
Undoubtedly, our society teaches us to be trailblazers, super-achievers, and hard workers; there is nothing wrong with this. But, sometimes, we don’t know when to stop, and we continue to judge and criticize ourselves to our detriment. Unfortunately, our pursuit of recognition and accomplishment eventually supersedes our primary goal to belong, be loved, and be successful.
So, instead of letting societal norms cause us to beat ourselves up and lose hold of the most important things in life, we should learn to be kind to ourselves by practicing self-compassion.
How to practice self-compassion
Here are 12 questions derived from the Self-Compassion Scale by Dr. Kristin Neff. Ask yourself these questions as you practice self-compassion.
1. When you fail at something important to you, do you become consumed by feelings of inadequacy?
2. Are you understanding and patient towards those aspects of your personality you don’t like?
3. When something painful happens, do you try to take a balanced view of the situation?
4. When you are feeling down, do you tend to feel like most other people are probably happier than you are?
5. Do you try to see your failings as part of the human condition?
6. When going through a very hard time, do you give yourself the caring and tenderness that you need?
7. When something upsets you, do you try to keep your emotions in balance?
8. When you fail at something that is important to you, do you tend to feel alone in your failure?
9. When you are feeling down, do you tend to obsess and fixate on everything that’s wrong?
10. When you feel inadequate in some way, do you try to remind yourself that feelings of inadequacy are experienced by most people?
11. Are you disapproving and judgmental about your own flaws and inadequacies?
12. Are you intolerant and impatient towards those aspects of your personality you don’t like?
3 Ways to practice self-compassion
1) Treat yourself
Give yourself a treat when you are feeling down. Try doing something that relaxes you, such as taking a walk or getting a massage.
2) Prayer and meditation
These help us get rid of self-critical thoughts and emotions. For more on meditation, check out “13 Ways Meditation Can Improve Your Health.”
3) Journaling
Journaling can help you review and process difficult events in a more objective and less self-criticizing manner.
Final thoughts
After going through the 12 questions above, I realized that I need to practice self-compassion more, although I am doing much better than I was years ago.
A friend and high school classmate recently celebrated her 50th birthday. This lady always supports every classmate during the good and bad times. She is selfless, always making herself available wherever help is needed. I marveled at this ability of hers. In the past, I would have felt inadequate in this area where my friend excels. But now, I don’t. Life has taught me that everyone is gifted in at least one area, and no one excels at everything. So instead of feeling bad about my inadequate social skills, I celebrate her and thank God for gifting her in that area, then I focus on my areas of strength.
Feeling inadequate is normal. In fact, it is a problem when you feel that you should be the best at everything. The Bible warns in Romans 12:3 – “… Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves….”
In what areas do you feel inadequate? Or, in what areas do you think you are failing? Identify those areas and accept them without being too overly critical of yourself. And learn to show yourself some compassion. After all, why should you have compassion for others and not yourself?
Finally, focus on your strengths and forgive and accept your weaknesses while working to grow and improve in all areas. You will definitely notice a difference in your life as you practice self-compassion!
Please feel free to comment below. And feel free to share this article.
Yours in health and fitness,
Doctor Abi
