What do you regret most in life? On his deathbed, Steve Jobs, the visionary Apple co-founder and one of the greatest innovators of our time, regretted not treating his cancer sooner and not being there for his kids. Unfortunately, he died shortly after that, at the young age of 56. We all experience regret, but what is regret, and how does it affect our health and well-being? Secondly, how can we prevent regret? And finally, what can we do to deal with our regrets?
What is regret?
Regret is a feeling of sadness or disappointment over something that has happened or that we did or failed to do. Regret can be an intense reaction to a disappointing event in your life, lasting for minutes, days, years, or even a lifetime.
Types of regret
Generally, there are two types of regret: Action and Inaction
Regret from action
Regret from action is when you regret the things you did. For example, you posted something on social media that you later wished you didn’t. The good thing about action-related regret is that you can quickly learn from your mistake and not repeat it.
Regret from inaction
Regret from inaction is when you regret the things you should have done but did not do. For example, you did not tell the love of your life that you loved him or her until it was too late. Sadly, inaction-related regret can be long-lasting and can keep you wondering what could have been. Furthermore, this type of regret is usually harder to fix. For example, the love of your life may now be married to someone else. Unfortunately, regret from inaction is more common than regret caused by an action.
What do you regret most in life?
Your biggest regret likely falls into one of these categories shown by studies to be the six most common areas where people experience regrets:
1) Education
2) Career
3) Romance
4) Parenting
5) Self-improvement
6) Leisure
Like Steve Jobs, the end of life is a common time to reflect on and evaluate one’s life. In her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing, Bronnie Ware shared the five most common regrets expressed by her dying patients.
Five most common regrets shared by people nearing death
1. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
2. “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”
3. “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”
4. “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”
5. “I wish that I had let myself be happier.”
So, I am asking you again. Right now, what do you regret most in life? Think about when you turn ninety years old; which of these 5 regrets are you likely to have?
Effects of regret on your health and well-being
Regret can be unpleasant and unhealthy. It is an emotionally distressing feeling that can cause an imbalance in our hormonal and immune systems. This imbalance makes us more vulnerable to illnesses and health problems.
Regret can also lead to sadness, depression, and anxiety. Furthermore, dwelling on your past mistakes can affect your quality of life, making you emotionally unavailable to your family and friends.
So, how can we prevent regret?
How to prevent regret
1) Choose action instead of inaction
Regret caused by inaction tends to be more painful, long-lasting, and harder to fix. If you face a choice to act or not act today, you are better off acting. So, now may be the time to tell that person that you love her or him!
2) Live intentionally
In her book, Ware wrote. “From the moment you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize until they no longer have it.” Look at the top five regrets of the dying again. What changes can you make now, so you don’t regret your choices in the future? Do you need to work less, stay in touch with your friends more, or what else can you change now?
3) Don’t worry about what others think
As the end draws near, you won’t think about what others thought, did, or felt when reflecting on your life. Eventually, you will hold only yourself responsible for your life. So, why not start now?
4) Face your fears
Most times, we fail to act because of fear. What makes you fearful? Failure? Rejection? Unfortunately, our fears keep us from accomplishing everything we can. We will all fail or get rejected at some point. But we will leave some stones unturned until we learn to face our fears. And you never know what treasure may be lying under those stones, waiting to be exposed by you.
5) Make decisions based on your values
Determine which choices align better with your values and stick to those choices. You are less likely to regret decisions that exemplify your values. And, even if you experience regret, you can take comfort in the fact that you made the decision based on what seemed best at the time.
Despite taking these five steps, we will still likely have some regrets. So, what can we do when we experience regret?
How to deal with regret
1) Forgive yourself
Forgive yourself for actions taken or not taken. After all, you are only human, and no one is perfect. Accept your imperfections and remind yourself that you are not the first person to make that “mistake,” and you won’t be the last.
2) Learn from your regrets
Allow yourself to learn from your regrets. Regret can become a positive tool when it motivates you to take new actions for a better outcome.
3) Set new goals
Set positive and meaningful goals that will overshadow your feelings of regret. For example, if you regret staying in touch with your friends, plan to spend more time with them.
4) Let it go
If you can’t do anything about it, then let it go. Don’t be a prisoner to things you can’t change – Tony Gaskins.
Choose to release your regret and move forward.
5) Seek help
Sometimes, you may need to seek professional help. Counseling, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, can be quite helpful.
Final Thoughts
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! (Isaiah 43:18-19a, NIV).
God wants us not to dwell on the past but to look forward to the new things he has in store for us!
What do you regret most in life? Undoubtedly, there will be some things we wish we had done differently. The key is to learn from our mistakes and move on. Moreover, regretful living is unhelpful and can harm our health. And also, it is a waste of precious time!
As an introvert, I used to spend a lot of time regretting my introverted nature. I would often regret my choice to be alone with my thoughts rather than spend time with friends. I would regret not having a prompt answer to a simple question because my brain is busy analyzing the question and all the answers that could be correct.
Fortunately, I chose to drop the regret and focus on my strengths as an introvert. If you are an introvert and you overthink everything, like me, check out these “10 Tips for Flourishing as an Introvert.” And I guarantee you will thank me later!
Finally, may God grant us all the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Please feel free to leave your comments below, and also feel free to share this article.
Yours in health and fitness,
Doctor Abi
